Open Apology to Brick Walls Everywhere

"I am a brick wall and I am offended by that comparison."

It has come to my attention that I have apparently offended a brick wall with my comparison involving Jason Varitek. After getting over the shock that brick walls are able to feel emotion and read English (and that we actually got a comment; shameless plug: Alfred is getting discouraged that our readers are not leaving comments - please help in the fight against depression and leave comments...you know who you are), I decided that brick walls everywhere deserve an apology for this blatant insensitivity on my part. So here we go.

To borrow from BC basketball radio broadcaster Ted Sarandas: I apologize a thousand times to you. I'll get down on my hands and knees. I misspoke. Please forgive me brick walls. Nobody should ever be subject to a comparison with Jason Varitek in his current state. In fact, nobody should ever even be mentioned in the same sentence as him unless it's a broadcaster who is speaking (and probably saying who struck Varitek out).

I am sure that brick walls are superior to Jason Varitek in every aspect of the game. They have better judgment of the strike zone, they are better defensively behind the plate, they have a high on-base percentage, and they bring incredible intangibles to the table. I mean, if I saw a brick wall on the baseball diamond, I know that I'd be intimidated. It's taller than me, weighs more than me, can probably take more of a beating, and is painful to punch. If Alfred had to fight a brick wall, I'd take the brick wall hands down (no offense Alfred). There's no way Alfred would be able to bring it down without some outside help. That sucker is one tough son of a brick(s). If I had some mortar, I'd offer it to the brick walls as some sort of a peace offering. Unfortunately, all I have right now is a bottle of water, some orange slices, my roommate's raisins, and some mud stuck to the bottom of my shoes. Perhaps I can concoct some new kind of extremely powerful bonding agent instead.

Anyways, my apologies brick walls. And to our faithful readers (I see those hands! Um, hand) remember to post comments! Together, we can fight depression! If not for the angst-ridden teenagers all across America, then at least do it for Alfred! Oh wait...

Not-so-shameless plug: don't forget to vote! It's almost that time, and I still don't have any idea who I'm going to vote for. I should really get working on that. Thoughts?