"I am a brick wall and I am offended by that comparison."
It has come to my attention that I have apparently offended a brick wall with my comparison involving Jason Varitek. After getting over the shock that brick walls are able to feel emotion and read English (and that we actually got a comment; shameless plug: Alfred is getting discouraged that our readers are not leaving comments - please help in the fight against depression and leave comments...you know who you are), I decided that brick walls everywhere deserve an apology for this blatant insensitivity on my part. So here we go.
To borrow from BC basketball radio broadcaster Ted Sarandas: I apologize a thousand times to you. I'll get down on my hands and knees. I misspoke. Please forgive me brick walls. Nobody should ever be subject to a comparison with Jason Varitek in his current state. In fact, nobody should ever even be mentioned in the same sentence as him unless it's a broadcaster who is speaking (and probably saying who struck Varitek out).
I am sure that brick walls are superior to Jason Varitek in every aspect of the game. They have better judgment of the strike zone, they are better defensively behind the plate, they have a high on-base percentage, and they bring incredible intangibles to the table. I mean, if I saw a brick wall on the baseball diamond, I know that I'd be intimidated. It's taller than me, weighs more than me, can probably take more of a beating, and is painful to punch. If Alfred had to fight a brick wall, I'd take the brick wall hands down (no offense Alfred). There's no way Alfred would be able to bring it down without some outside help. That sucker is one tough son of a brick(s). If I had some mortar, I'd offer it to the brick walls as some sort of a peace offering. Unfortunately, all I have right now is a bottle of water, some orange slices, my roommate's raisins, and some mud stuck to the bottom of my shoes. Perhaps I can concoct some new kind of extremely powerful bonding agent instead.
Anyways, my apologies brick walls. And to our faithful readers (I see those hands! Um, hand) remember to post comments! Together, we can fight depression! If not for the angst-ridden teenagers all across America, then at least do it for Alfred! Oh wait...
Not-so-shameless plug: don't forget to vote! It's almost that time, and I still don't have any idea who I'm going to vote for. I should really get working on that. Thoughts?
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Monday, October 20, 2008
Manny Ramirez Ruined Postseason Baseball
Well, our beloved Red Sox lost a gut wrenching Game 7 last night. Our pitching was very solid but our offense fell short, to say the least. What happened to our traditionally star-studded high powered offense?
IT WENT TO LOS ANGELES.
Think about how the postseason would've shaped up if Manny stopped complaining and stayed with the Sox. First of all, the Dodgers would not have made it. Arizona would have taken first place in the NL West and be matched up with the Cubs. Manny hit a ridiculous amount of homeruns against the Cubs and basically carried their offense. In any case, the Cubs might've actually made it past the DBacks this time. A Phillies vs Cubs matchup would be intriguing as it features two high powered offenses backed by solid pitching. I'd take the Harden-Zambrano-Dempster combo over the Hamels-Blanton-Myers combo. I guess it becomes unknown from here because the Cubs do have a habit of choking real bad. Anyway, the Red Sox would've swept the Angels (again), thus giving Josh Beckett a chance to rest his sore and overweight body. The Red Sox would then have a healthier Josh Beckett and an offense that won't struggle against scrubs like Andy Sonnastine and Matt Garza. Who wouldn't want to see a Red Sox vs. Cubs World Series (that the Red Sox would win in 5 games max)?
What do we need? Well we need a catcher and a big bat. Varitek's leadership is commodity that can't be replaced, but he batted .220 for the season, and WELL UNDER the Mendoza-line during the postseason. Lets bring Varitek back as like, a bench coach or something. He's the ultimate rally killer and just loves to strike out. His bat speed is gone as is his judgement of the strikezone. Curt Schilling is probably leaving the team this offseason so the combination of losing Varitek and Schilling should free up a lot of money... enough to sign a bat. How does Mark Teixiera sound? We could trade Lowell away for a catcher, any catcher. We need someone that can hit 30-40 hr because as its becoming increasingly obvious, David Ortiz is entering the twilight of his career. We don't need to blow up the team, we just need to add a legit guy to bat 4th, and slide everyone down a spot. Jason Bay batting 6th or 7th sounds pretty good to me.
Well, this is all just speculation... at least we're not New Yorkers.
IT WENT TO LOS ANGELES.
Think about how the postseason would've shaped up if Manny stopped complaining and stayed with the Sox. First of all, the Dodgers would not have made it. Arizona would have taken first place in the NL West and be matched up with the Cubs. Manny hit a ridiculous amount of homeruns against the Cubs and basically carried their offense. In any case, the Cubs might've actually made it past the DBacks this time. A Phillies vs Cubs matchup would be intriguing as it features two high powered offenses backed by solid pitching. I'd take the Harden-Zambrano-Dempster combo over the Hamels-Blanton-Myers combo. I guess it becomes unknown from here because the Cubs do have a habit of choking real bad. Anyway, the Red Sox would've swept the Angels (again), thus giving Josh Beckett a chance to rest his sore and overweight body. The Red Sox would then have a healthier Josh Beckett and an offense that won't struggle against scrubs like Andy Sonnastine and Matt Garza. Who wouldn't want to see a Red Sox vs. Cubs World Series (that the Red Sox would win in 5 games max)?
What do we need? Well we need a catcher and a big bat. Varitek's leadership is commodity that can't be replaced, but he batted .220 for the season, and WELL UNDER the Mendoza-line during the postseason. Lets bring Varitek back as like, a bench coach or something. He's the ultimate rally killer and just loves to strike out. His bat speed is gone as is his judgement of the strikezone. Curt Schilling is probably leaving the team this offseason so the combination of losing Varitek and Schilling should free up a lot of money... enough to sign a bat. How does Mark Teixiera sound? We could trade Lowell away for a catcher, any catcher. We need someone that can hit 30-40 hr because as its becoming increasingly obvious, David Ortiz is entering the twilight of his career. We don't need to blow up the team, we just need to add a legit guy to bat 4th, and slide everyone down a spot. Jason Bay batting 6th or 7th sounds pretty good to me.
Well, this is all just speculation... at least we're not New Yorkers.
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Live Thoughts From Game 7
Momentum is on our side my friends. Let's go.
8:09 PM C'mon Coco...Two nights in a row starting with attempting to bunt for a hit? You're better than that...
8:11 PM See Coco? Why can't you be more like Pedroia and hit a homer? Wow. It's like you can't pitch inside to the dude. Dustin Pedroia. The shortest man to ever win the MVP. Yeah, I'm calling it. You just don't deny 5'5" guys who hit the crap out of the ball.
8:13 PM My neighbors are smoking weed again. They haven't gone a day without blazing since the beginning of the school year. I wonder if they go to class high. Anyways, it kind of takes away from the game. Just a little bit.
8:15 PM Can't blame Garza for walking Ortiz. Why would you want to pitch to the man who almost singlehandedly (with some help from J.D. Drew) carried the Sox back into this series? The only thing more demoralizing than a clutch Ortiz hit is any hit by Jason Varitek.
8:16 PM Juuuuuuuust a bit inside.
8:17 PM David Ortiz almost got picked off of first base on a fly ball. I think my blood pressure is starting to rise.
8:19 PM Drew goes down swinging. Still, a 1-0 lead before the Rays bat is a success for the Sox in my book.
8:23 PM Crap. Chip Caray just gave us the broadcasters' curse by saying that Lester has never lost back-to-back starts. We've overcome curses before, though, so for now I'll just have to keep rubbing my Pedro autograph on the back of a restaurant business card for good luck. Lester looks good so far. Stuff seems pretty crisp. Perfect game for .1 innings. I think I just jinxed him.
8:27 PM Everytime BJ Upton makes contact with the ball, I think my heart stops. He's looking like Manny right now.
8:31 PM Nasty breaking ball for the K on Pena. I'm liking our chances.
8:36 PM Tough pitch there Bay. Get 'em next time. On a side note, does anyone else think that Jason Bay has an uncanny resemblance to Brian Scalabrine?
8:37 PM Nice play by Bartlett to take away the single up the middle. He makes Julio Lugo look like, well, Julio Lugo.
8:41 PM Does anyone else think that blue cowbells are kind of stupid?
8:42 PM Bad Varitek strikes again. At least he got 10 pitches out of Garza before watching a perfectly hittable pitch go right by. It's a shame the trade deadline passed months ago or we might have been able to get a bucket of baseballs and some bats for what's left of his corpse. The only difference between Tek and a brick wall behind the plate is that Varitek can throw the ball back to the mound. Other than that, they're pretty much the same thing both behind the plate and at bat.
8:46 PM Thank you ump for keeping Lester's perfect game intact. That cutter was definitely questionable. Ground out for Longoria.
8:49 PM Blows away Crawford and coaxes a harmless grounder to third. 1-2-3 innings make me happy.
8:53 PM I feel strangely uncomfortable having Alex Cora playing in Game 7 of the ALCS when we have Jed Lowrie, hero of the ALDS. Sure Chip Caray approves, saying he's a guy who can hit fastballs well, but I need the intangibles that having a guy named Jed in the line-up provides. This is such a white team. Two Jasons, Dustin, J.D., Mark. Wow. And with that, Cora flies out.
8:55 PM All these inside pitches to Coco...It's like the Devil Rays want to provoke a savage attack. Hang tough Coco.
8:57 PM Coco fans. At least he didn't try to take Garza down with him.
8:59 PM Garza hits Pedroia. Maybe he is trying to promote a savage attack. Though a 5'5" player is a whole lot less intimidating.
9:01 PM Pedroia steals second with a little help from Garza. Nothing like a pitch in the dirt to promote advancing baserunners.
9:03 PM Ortiz strikes out. I really think my blood pressure is starting to rise. Hopefully I'll still be alive by the time my roommate gets back so he can call 911.
9:09 PM Lester is dealing. Navarro goes down swinging on a nasty fastball. My neighbors next door are screaming.
9:10 PM Did I mention Lester has been good so far? Baldelli goes down swinging. Even though he struggled mightily last time, this is the guy I want on the mound in a Game 7.
9:11 PM Harmless pop-up for Bartlett. Lester is perfect through 3. Blogcaster's curse? I think not.
9:16 PM Youk grounds out to Longoria, who does his trademark "I'm going to throw it while I'm on the run since it looks cool instead of taking my time to steady myself" throw. Remember what happened last time you did that Evan? Don't be that guy.
9:17 PM Weak pop-up by Drew. Garza seems to be settling in and I'm pretty glad we got a run off of him early. He's got the stuff, mental composure, and facial hair right now to be the next Josh Beckett.
9:19 PM Garza makes me look smart and fans Bay. 6 strikeouts in 4 innings. Yikes. Looks like we're in for a pitching duel my friends.
9:23 PM Dang it. Iwamura breaks up the perfect game and no-hitter with a single to left. Sorry Lester. I'll settle for a shutout.
9:26 PM Lester now has 5 K's in 4 innings. Take that Garza! Now that Upton is retired I think I can start breathing again.
9:28 PM Pedroia almost hit Iwamura in the head on that throw. I'm so glad it didn't get away. I should really measure my blood pressure...
9:32 PM Crap crap crap. If I were Alfred, I'd be saying something very different right now. Longoria with the double to right scores Pena. Heck of a throw, but there was nothing that could be done there. There goes the shutout. Once again, my apologies Lester.
9:34 PM Youk tries a sliding catch on a foul pop-up. He nearly makes it but almost sprains his ankle in the process. Youk, I know you're a gamer and "dirtdog", but please, don't screw your team over on a play like that. We all know Jed Lowrie and Jacoby Ellsbury aren't good enough protection for Big Papi.
9:36 PM Lester bounces back and strikes Crawford out to end the inning. Even though he struggled a bit that inning, he's matching Garza pitch for pitch and I'm liking our chances.
9:40 PM Kotsay pops up. I don't know why, but I kind of wish we'd started Sean Casey instead.
9:41 PM Tek with a hot shot to first. Good: if Pena hadn't been there, that probably would have been a double. He was overplaying the foul line and Tek was kind of unlucky. Bad: Tek still only has one hit in this series.
9:42 PM Cora strikes out looking at the same pitch Tek did a little while back. Why they're leaving their bats on their shoulders on pitches down the middle instead of protecting the plate bewilders me.
9:43 PM That E-Trade commercial with the baby and the clown never ceases to amuse me. "I really underestimated the creepiness." Ah, good stuff.
9:47 PM Aybar narrowly misses a homer to left with a double off the outfield wall. I don't feel my pulse.
9:50 PM Navarro singles to short. Really? A catcher? At least Aybar didn't advance. Lester needs an out, any kind of out, badly.
9:52 PM My heart stopped again after Baldelli nearly hit that one out. Thank goodness for foul poles. On the plus side, the count is 0-2.
9:53 PM Baldelli singles to left and the Rays take the lead. Of all the people in the Rays dugout, Joe Madden is showing the least emotion. It's like he's Zen master Phil Jackson. Or my brother.
9:54 PM Keep the composure Jon, keep the composure.
9:55 PM Why is there a person in the crowd wearing a Redskins jersey? I demand an explanation.
9:56 PM Lester finally gets an out and strikes Bartlett out. A double play right about now would be nice. Actually, a batter or two ago would've been even better.
9:57 PM Iwamura grounds out weakly to the mound as I breathe a sigh of relief. I don't know why, but he reminds me of Ichiro, for reasons other than the fact that he's Japanese.
9:59 PM Upton makes contact. Time slows. It looks like a line drive headed for the outfield. I die a little inside. Then I see Cora make the catch. This game is giving me diabetes. How? I don't know. But it is.
10:05 PM Coco nearly beats out an infield single on a grounder that takes a really high hop to the mound. I was hoping Garza would hit Coco in the head and the ball would go flying into the stands for another base. Would Coco have gotten a concussion? Maybe. But it's Game 7 of the ALCS. Either do whatever it takes to win (legally, of course) or go home.
10:08 PM Garza has thrown 88 pitches to this point. Work the count boys, work it. Get him over 100 so you don't have to see him for another inning.
10:12 PM Pedroia's battle with Garza finally ends as he draws the walk. How demoralizing. Get 'em Ortiz. On a side note, does anyone else find it annoying how Buck Martinez is pronouncing Ortiz's name? "Orrrrrrtiz." Everyone else in the broadcast booth can pronounce his name fine. Why can't you?
10:15 PM Orrrrrrtiz works the count full, too. I kind of wish he'd hit a weak grounder down the third base line against the shift.
10:16 PM Papi strikes out. Alfred called it right down to the exact pitch. Pedroia is caught stealing in a strike 'em out throw 'em out double play. Never had a chance.
10:21 PM Pena pops out. Longoria flies out. According to Alfred, "Lester looks pissed." Very astute observation. Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for Alfred Wu, legendary sports analyst. Give this man a job at ESPN.
10:22 PM Crawford with a deep fly ball to center. Any other part of the ball park and it's gone. Pissed indeed. 1-2-3 inning though, so I can't really complain.
10:24 PM That Travelers commercial with the old dude carrying the huge red umbrella wandering the earth helping out young children in dire need creeps me out for some reason.
10:25 PM Youk pops out to shortstop. Garza still has good stuff. And a one hitter (crosses fingers for a blogcaster curse).
10:27 PM Garza walks Drew. Chip Caray thinks he's afraid of him. Judging by how badly he missed on all 4 pitches, me too.
10:30 PM The curse worked! Bay singles to left and now we have 2 men on with 1 out. Let's go!
10:32 PM Kotsay flies to right, but Drew tags up and goes to third. Figures that Varitek's the one who comes up to bat. I don't feel so good...Blood...pressure...blurble...
10:35 PM Surprise, surprise. Tek strikes out on a terrible pitch. I'm still sticking with my brick wall statement except I think the brick wall would have a higher on-base percentage than Varitek. It's also much more intimidating.
10:38 PM After a brief hiatus, the neighbors have started smoking weed again. I wonder why.
10:41 PM Lester still pitching? Bad idea. Aybar absolutely crushes it and gives the Rays a 3-1 lead. Somewhere, Alfred's head is exploding.
10:43 PM Chip Caray brings up the consecutive starts thing again while Navarro flies out to right. I swear, this guy must really hate the Red Sox.
10:45 PM Lester fans Baldelli. Alfred: "This game hurts my soul."
10:47 PM Bartlett flies out to center. Coco briefly loses sight of the ball, but recovers in time to make the catch. Blood pressure...
10:51 PM Garza to start the 8th? Gutsy call Madden. Hopefully it backfires.
10:52 PM Bartlett boots the ball! Deja vu all over again. Cora gets on base and I say aloud "Why can't Varitek do that?"
10: 53 PM Madden pulls Garza now. Even though he pitches for the Rays, I can't help but give the guy props. He was lights out. 1 run on 2 hits over 7+ innings in Game 7? You can't ask for much more than that. Here's our chance.
10:57 PM Apparently one of my neighbors is a Rays fan. There is a loud cowbell going off all of a sudden next door. Where did he get a cowbell at this hour? I have no idea. But it's annoying the heck out of me.
10:58 PM Crisp singles to right! No other man I'd want up at the plate in this situation than Pedroia. Make us proud Dustin.
11:01 PM And Pedroia lets us down with a fly ball to left. He just got under it. Maybe I shouldn't have said anything.
11:06 PM Alfred: "I'M SO TENSE RIGHT NOW."
11:09 PM Orrrrrrtiz nearly kills the rally with a grounder to second. Coco is out at second and Ortiz narrowly misses grounding into a double play. For some strange reason Coco decided to try to take out the shortstop with his slide instead of going for the bag where he easily would've been safe. Ugh. It's only Game 7 guys.
11:11 PM Buck Martinez reminds me of Tim McCarver. That is not a good thing. The John Madden of Baseball. I remember John Madden saying about Peyton Manning, and this is no joke, "I like Peyton Manning. He's successful because he does a lot of things well. He also does a lot of other things well, and that's why I think he's such a great quarterback." How insightful.
11:15 PM Youk walks. I was hoping they'd give him a chance to swing the bat because Price is nasty against lefties. Good luck J.D.
11:20 PM J.D. strikes out. I want a replay of that checked swing. Excuse me while I go bash my head in against the wall.
11:23 PM My head hurts. I do not want to see Price in the 9th inning. I see the replay, and it's questionable at best. I wish the home plate ump would've at least gone to the third base ump for an appeal. No further comment.
11:24 PM Okajima gets Iwamura on a grounder to Pedroia. Try saying that five times fast.
11:27 PM Pena strikes out looking. Bay, Kotsay, and Varitek are due up for us. I smell a pinch hitter.
11:31 PM Alfred's leaking emotion right now. "It hurts real bad right now." Reminds me of an angst-ridden teenager. Oh wait...
11:33 PM I like that third-base ump. I really like that third-base ump. Bay walks and is bailed out on a checked-swing call.
11:35 PM Oh wow. There's a fire going on right outside my window and I didn't even notice until now. A couple cars are on fire. Sox are more important though.
11:36 PM Kotsay goes down looking. Horrible bunt attempt, foul ball, two balls, and a called strike. At least protect the plate!
11:37 PM Chip Caray comments that Varitek has grounded into 16 (18?) double plays. He also says that Tek is slower from the right side. This guy must have a vendetta against the Red Sox. At least he's batting from his stronger side this time.
11:39 PM Tek fans. Again. Ladies and gentlemen, the hopes and dreams of the 2008 Boston Red Sox season now rests on the shoulders of Jed Lowrie. I think I'm not as scared of that fire going on outside than I am at the prospects of the 2008 postseason lying in the hands of a man named Jed.
11:40 PM Lowrie grounds out to second and it's over. T.O.D. is 11:40 PM ET. Rays are going to the World Series. And that cowbell next door is going off like crazy. On a positive note, the fire outside my window has now been put out. At least the firefighters didn't have to witness this. There are a bunch of cop cars everywhere. Could it be foul play? Meanwhile, Alfred utters things that cannot be printed on this blog and cries in the corner of his room while drinking an unknown substance.
Congratulations Tampa Bay. All those years of getting number 1 picks has finally paid off. Good luck.
Stay tuned for a follow-up rant by Alfred in the coming days once he pulls himself together and manages to stop his hands from shaking enough to type coherent sentences.
8:09 PM C'mon Coco...Two nights in a row starting with attempting to bunt for a hit? You're better than that...
8:11 PM See Coco? Why can't you be more like Pedroia and hit a homer? Wow. It's like you can't pitch inside to the dude. Dustin Pedroia. The shortest man to ever win the MVP. Yeah, I'm calling it. You just don't deny 5'5" guys who hit the crap out of the ball.
8:13 PM My neighbors are smoking weed again. They haven't gone a day without blazing since the beginning of the school year. I wonder if they go to class high. Anyways, it kind of takes away from the game. Just a little bit.
8:15 PM Can't blame Garza for walking Ortiz. Why would you want to pitch to the man who almost singlehandedly (with some help from J.D. Drew) carried the Sox back into this series? The only thing more demoralizing than a clutch Ortiz hit is any hit by Jason Varitek.
8:16 PM Juuuuuuuust a bit inside.
8:17 PM David Ortiz almost got picked off of first base on a fly ball. I think my blood pressure is starting to rise.
8:19 PM Drew goes down swinging. Still, a 1-0 lead before the Rays bat is a success for the Sox in my book.
8:23 PM Crap. Chip Caray just gave us the broadcasters' curse by saying that Lester has never lost back-to-back starts. We've overcome curses before, though, so for now I'll just have to keep rubbing my Pedro autograph on the back of a restaurant business card for good luck. Lester looks good so far. Stuff seems pretty crisp. Perfect game for .1 innings. I think I just jinxed him.
8:27 PM Everytime BJ Upton makes contact with the ball, I think my heart stops. He's looking like Manny right now.
8:31 PM Nasty breaking ball for the K on Pena. I'm liking our chances.
8:36 PM Tough pitch there Bay. Get 'em next time. On a side note, does anyone else think that Jason Bay has an uncanny resemblance to Brian Scalabrine?
8:37 PM Nice play by Bartlett to take away the single up the middle. He makes Julio Lugo look like, well, Julio Lugo.
8:41 PM Does anyone else think that blue cowbells are kind of stupid?
8:42 PM Bad Varitek strikes again. At least he got 10 pitches out of Garza before watching a perfectly hittable pitch go right by. It's a shame the trade deadline passed months ago or we might have been able to get a bucket of baseballs and some bats for what's left of his corpse. The only difference between Tek and a brick wall behind the plate is that Varitek can throw the ball back to the mound. Other than that, they're pretty much the same thing both behind the plate and at bat.
8:46 PM Thank you ump for keeping Lester's perfect game intact. That cutter was definitely questionable. Ground out for Longoria.
8:49 PM Blows away Crawford and coaxes a harmless grounder to third. 1-2-3 innings make me happy.
8:53 PM I feel strangely uncomfortable having Alex Cora playing in Game 7 of the ALCS when we have Jed Lowrie, hero of the ALDS. Sure Chip Caray approves, saying he's a guy who can hit fastballs well, but I need the intangibles that having a guy named Jed in the line-up provides. This is such a white team. Two Jasons, Dustin, J.D., Mark. Wow. And with that, Cora flies out.
8:55 PM All these inside pitches to Coco...It's like the Devil Rays want to provoke a savage attack. Hang tough Coco.
8:57 PM Coco fans. At least he didn't try to take Garza down with him.
8:59 PM Garza hits Pedroia. Maybe he is trying to promote a savage attack. Though a 5'5" player is a whole lot less intimidating.
9:01 PM Pedroia steals second with a little help from Garza. Nothing like a pitch in the dirt to promote advancing baserunners.
9:03 PM Ortiz strikes out. I really think my blood pressure is starting to rise. Hopefully I'll still be alive by the time my roommate gets back so he can call 911.
9:09 PM Lester is dealing. Navarro goes down swinging on a nasty fastball. My neighbors next door are screaming.
9:10 PM Did I mention Lester has been good so far? Baldelli goes down swinging. Even though he struggled mightily last time, this is the guy I want on the mound in a Game 7.
9:11 PM Harmless pop-up for Bartlett. Lester is perfect through 3. Blogcaster's curse? I think not.
9:16 PM Youk grounds out to Longoria, who does his trademark "I'm going to throw it while I'm on the run since it looks cool instead of taking my time to steady myself" throw. Remember what happened last time you did that Evan? Don't be that guy.
9:17 PM Weak pop-up by Drew. Garza seems to be settling in and I'm pretty glad we got a run off of him early. He's got the stuff, mental composure, and facial hair right now to be the next Josh Beckett.
9:19 PM Garza makes me look smart and fans Bay. 6 strikeouts in 4 innings. Yikes. Looks like we're in for a pitching duel my friends.
9:23 PM Dang it. Iwamura breaks up the perfect game and no-hitter with a single to left. Sorry Lester. I'll settle for a shutout.
9:26 PM Lester now has 5 K's in 4 innings. Take that Garza! Now that Upton is retired I think I can start breathing again.
9:28 PM Pedroia almost hit Iwamura in the head on that throw. I'm so glad it didn't get away. I should really measure my blood pressure...
9:32 PM Crap crap crap. If I were Alfred, I'd be saying something very different right now. Longoria with the double to right scores Pena. Heck of a throw, but there was nothing that could be done there. There goes the shutout. Once again, my apologies Lester.
9:34 PM Youk tries a sliding catch on a foul pop-up. He nearly makes it but almost sprains his ankle in the process. Youk, I know you're a gamer and "dirtdog", but please, don't screw your team over on a play like that. We all know Jed Lowrie and Jacoby Ellsbury aren't good enough protection for Big Papi.
9:36 PM Lester bounces back and strikes Crawford out to end the inning. Even though he struggled a bit that inning, he's matching Garza pitch for pitch and I'm liking our chances.
9:40 PM Kotsay pops up. I don't know why, but I kind of wish we'd started Sean Casey instead.
9:41 PM Tek with a hot shot to first. Good: if Pena hadn't been there, that probably would have been a double. He was overplaying the foul line and Tek was kind of unlucky. Bad: Tek still only has one hit in this series.
9:42 PM Cora strikes out looking at the same pitch Tek did a little while back. Why they're leaving their bats on their shoulders on pitches down the middle instead of protecting the plate bewilders me.
9:43 PM That E-Trade commercial with the baby and the clown never ceases to amuse me. "I really underestimated the creepiness." Ah, good stuff.
9:47 PM Aybar narrowly misses a homer to left with a double off the outfield wall. I don't feel my pulse.
9:50 PM Navarro singles to short. Really? A catcher? At least Aybar didn't advance. Lester needs an out, any kind of out, badly.
9:52 PM My heart stopped again after Baldelli nearly hit that one out. Thank goodness for foul poles. On the plus side, the count is 0-2.
9:53 PM Baldelli singles to left and the Rays take the lead. Of all the people in the Rays dugout, Joe Madden is showing the least emotion. It's like he's Zen master Phil Jackson. Or my brother.
9:54 PM Keep the composure Jon, keep the composure.
9:55 PM Why is there a person in the crowd wearing a Redskins jersey? I demand an explanation.
9:56 PM Lester finally gets an out and strikes Bartlett out. A double play right about now would be nice. Actually, a batter or two ago would've been even better.
9:57 PM Iwamura grounds out weakly to the mound as I breathe a sigh of relief. I don't know why, but he reminds me of Ichiro, for reasons other than the fact that he's Japanese.
9:59 PM Upton makes contact. Time slows. It looks like a line drive headed for the outfield. I die a little inside. Then I see Cora make the catch. This game is giving me diabetes. How? I don't know. But it is.
10:05 PM Coco nearly beats out an infield single on a grounder that takes a really high hop to the mound. I was hoping Garza would hit Coco in the head and the ball would go flying into the stands for another base. Would Coco have gotten a concussion? Maybe. But it's Game 7 of the ALCS. Either do whatever it takes to win (legally, of course) or go home.
10:08 PM Garza has thrown 88 pitches to this point. Work the count boys, work it. Get him over 100 so you don't have to see him for another inning.
10:12 PM Pedroia's battle with Garza finally ends as he draws the walk. How demoralizing. Get 'em Ortiz. On a side note, does anyone else find it annoying how Buck Martinez is pronouncing Ortiz's name? "Orrrrrrtiz." Everyone else in the broadcast booth can pronounce his name fine. Why can't you?
10:15 PM Orrrrrrtiz works the count full, too. I kind of wish he'd hit a weak grounder down the third base line against the shift.
10:16 PM Papi strikes out. Alfred called it right down to the exact pitch. Pedroia is caught stealing in a strike 'em out throw 'em out double play. Never had a chance.
10:21 PM Pena pops out. Longoria flies out. According to Alfred, "Lester looks pissed." Very astute observation. Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for Alfred Wu, legendary sports analyst. Give this man a job at ESPN.
10:22 PM Crawford with a deep fly ball to center. Any other part of the ball park and it's gone. Pissed indeed. 1-2-3 inning though, so I can't really complain.
10:24 PM That Travelers commercial with the old dude carrying the huge red umbrella wandering the earth helping out young children in dire need creeps me out for some reason.
10:25 PM Youk pops out to shortstop. Garza still has good stuff. And a one hitter (crosses fingers for a blogcaster curse).
10:27 PM Garza walks Drew. Chip Caray thinks he's afraid of him. Judging by how badly he missed on all 4 pitches, me too.
10:30 PM The curse worked! Bay singles to left and now we have 2 men on with 1 out. Let's go!
10:32 PM Kotsay flies to right, but Drew tags up and goes to third. Figures that Varitek's the one who comes up to bat. I don't feel so good...Blood...pressure...blurble...
10:35 PM Surprise, surprise. Tek strikes out on a terrible pitch. I'm still sticking with my brick wall statement except I think the brick wall would have a higher on-base percentage than Varitek. It's also much more intimidating.
10:38 PM After a brief hiatus, the neighbors have started smoking weed again. I wonder why.
10:41 PM Lester still pitching? Bad idea. Aybar absolutely crushes it and gives the Rays a 3-1 lead. Somewhere, Alfred's head is exploding.
10:43 PM Chip Caray brings up the consecutive starts thing again while Navarro flies out to right. I swear, this guy must really hate the Red Sox.
10:45 PM Lester fans Baldelli. Alfred: "This game hurts my soul."
10:47 PM Bartlett flies out to center. Coco briefly loses sight of the ball, but recovers in time to make the catch. Blood pressure...
10:51 PM Garza to start the 8th? Gutsy call Madden. Hopefully it backfires.
10:52 PM Bartlett boots the ball! Deja vu all over again. Cora gets on base and I say aloud "Why can't Varitek do that?"
10: 53 PM Madden pulls Garza now. Even though he pitches for the Rays, I can't help but give the guy props. He was lights out. 1 run on 2 hits over 7+ innings in Game 7? You can't ask for much more than that. Here's our chance.
10:57 PM Apparently one of my neighbors is a Rays fan. There is a loud cowbell going off all of a sudden next door. Where did he get a cowbell at this hour? I have no idea. But it's annoying the heck out of me.
10:58 PM Crisp singles to right! No other man I'd want up at the plate in this situation than Pedroia. Make us proud Dustin.
11:01 PM And Pedroia lets us down with a fly ball to left. He just got under it. Maybe I shouldn't have said anything.
11:06 PM Alfred: "I'M SO TENSE RIGHT NOW."
11:09 PM Orrrrrrtiz nearly kills the rally with a grounder to second. Coco is out at second and Ortiz narrowly misses grounding into a double play. For some strange reason Coco decided to try to take out the shortstop with his slide instead of going for the bag where he easily would've been safe. Ugh. It's only Game 7 guys.
11:11 PM Buck Martinez reminds me of Tim McCarver. That is not a good thing. The John Madden of Baseball. I remember John Madden saying about Peyton Manning, and this is no joke, "I like Peyton Manning. He's successful because he does a lot of things well. He also does a lot of other things well, and that's why I think he's such a great quarterback." How insightful.
11:15 PM Youk walks. I was hoping they'd give him a chance to swing the bat because Price is nasty against lefties. Good luck J.D.
11:20 PM J.D. strikes out. I want a replay of that checked swing. Excuse me while I go bash my head in against the wall.
11:23 PM My head hurts. I do not want to see Price in the 9th inning. I see the replay, and it's questionable at best. I wish the home plate ump would've at least gone to the third base ump for an appeal. No further comment.
11:24 PM Okajima gets Iwamura on a grounder to Pedroia. Try saying that five times fast.
11:27 PM Pena strikes out looking. Bay, Kotsay, and Varitek are due up for us. I smell a pinch hitter.
11:31 PM Alfred's leaking emotion right now. "It hurts real bad right now." Reminds me of an angst-ridden teenager. Oh wait...
11:33 PM I like that third-base ump. I really like that third-base ump. Bay walks and is bailed out on a checked-swing call.
11:35 PM Oh wow. There's a fire going on right outside my window and I didn't even notice until now. A couple cars are on fire. Sox are more important though.
11:36 PM Kotsay goes down looking. Horrible bunt attempt, foul ball, two balls, and a called strike. At least protect the plate!
11:37 PM Chip Caray comments that Varitek has grounded into 16 (18?) double plays. He also says that Tek is slower from the right side. This guy must have a vendetta against the Red Sox. At least he's batting from his stronger side this time.
11:39 PM Tek fans. Again. Ladies and gentlemen, the hopes and dreams of the 2008 Boston Red Sox season now rests on the shoulders of Jed Lowrie. I think I'm not as scared of that fire going on outside than I am at the prospects of the 2008 postseason lying in the hands of a man named Jed.
11:40 PM Lowrie grounds out to second and it's over. T.O.D. is 11:40 PM ET. Rays are going to the World Series. And that cowbell next door is going off like crazy. On a positive note, the fire outside my window has now been put out. At least the firefighters didn't have to witness this. There are a bunch of cop cars everywhere. Could it be foul play? Meanwhile, Alfred utters things that cannot be printed on this blog and cries in the corner of his room while drinking an unknown substance.
Congratulations Tampa Bay. All those years of getting number 1 picks has finally paid off. Good luck.
Stay tuned for a follow-up rant by Alfred in the coming days once he pulls himself together and manages to stop his hands from shaking enough to type coherent sentences.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
These Are Your Grandfather's Red Sox
As the Olde Town Team is being pushed to the brink once again, we think, "Oh yeah, we've been in this spot before. We're going to make a comeback." Sadly... I don't know if that is going to happen this year. I had all the confidence in the world in last year's team with our sick nasty rotation and explosive offense. This year though, we just look tired against an energetic and young Rays team. Yeah, we're 7-0 in elimination games in the ALCS under Francona... but that's not going to happen when we're rolling out Wakefield, Lopez, and Timlin and expecting them not to give up a monster number of runs. Essentially, we're an old (not to mention overweight) team.
Fat people never win games.
Fat people never win games.
Fat people never win games.
Jay Bay Bay aint Man Ram.
Fat people never win games.
Fat people never win games.
Fat people never win games.
Jay Bay Bay aint Man Ram.
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
15th in the Western Conference
As you can see, D and I have decided to preview each one of the 30 NBA teams in preparation for the upcoming season. He's got the Eastern Conference while I've got the Western Conference. So, without any further ado, let's get right to it.
Oklahoma City Thunder.
Backcourt:
At least Luke Ridnour's gone. If he hadn't been traded this very well could've been a three-headed disaster of a timeshare. Earl Watson now has the keys to the offense, though it's very conceivable that he could lose the starting PG job to Russell Westbrook. Watson is rather unspectacular while Westbrook is like a bigger, more explosive Rajon Rondo. Either way, Westbrook is a big part of the future for this team so he will probably at least secure around half of the minutes at the point as his defense is superior to Watson's. At the 2 we have Kevin Durant. His FG and 3 PT %'s are a bit frightening, but as last season wore on, he stopped jacking up so many 3's and started playing smarter. The light went on in March, as he had only 4 games where he shot under 50% from the field. He'll probably be taking most of the Thunder's shots again but should be able to improve slightly all around. Once he puts on more muscle and works on his defense, he'll become an All-Star. Backing him up is Damien Wilkins, an inconsistent scorer who like Watson doesn't figure to be a factor in the Thunder's future.
Balls of Potential: 2.5/5
Frontcourt:
Center is a mess here. If you thought a potential Ridnour/Watson/Westbrook combination at the point was bad, wait'll you see the stiffs at the 5. Mouhamed Sene, Robert Swift, and Johan Petro are all guys who should be in the NBADL, not vying for a starting position on an NBA team. Both Swift and Sene look like they will never pan out. For Swift, it's usually not a good thing when you're better known for your tattoos than your game. Petro has some range, but he is far too inconsistent. Instead of those 3, look for Nick Collison to step in and start as an undersized center. He is a steady presence who can score a little and rebounds well. At the 3 and 4 there are Jeff Green and Chris Wilcox. Like Durant, Green struggled with the %'s and was very inconsistent. He didn't do too badly, but was disappointing nonetheless. Wilcox is a bit of a mystery. He'll be a force one game and then disappear the next. For now he's more of a stop-gap player than an investment. Joe Smith figures to be the first big off the bench while Desmond Mason will back up Green. D.J. White and Devon Hardin are probably headed to the D-League and won't have any impact.
Balls of Potential: 2/5
Overall:
This is a young team that doesn't figure to make much, if any, noise in the West. Durant should be able to improve on his rookie numbers and will fill up the stat sheet, but he doesn't have much help. The core (Durant, Green, and Westbrook) is there, but it will be awhile before they can even think about competing for an 8th seed. This team's defense is suspect and the offense is streaky at best. There will be a lot of growing pains and things won't look pretty, but the future is relatively bright.
Projection:
The worst team in the West, if not the league. If they don't finish worse than the Nets, they'll at least come close. Back to the Lottery again.
I give this team 2/5 balls of potential for this upcoming season. This could increase in the coming years, but don't expect to see much out of this team except Kevin Durant highlights.
Alfred's Sleeper:
"Hey there. For each of these teams I'm gonna give you someone I know you're going to be sleeping on fantasy-wise. Ladies and gentlemen, from the Oklahoma City Thunder, I give you...Nick Collison. This guy is like the white version of Udonis Haslem. He'll get close to a double-double a night and won't hurt you anywhere. And his competition doesn't exactly strike fear in the hearts of people. So draft him. At the end of your draft, if you need a big man, give Collison a look. He'll have center eligible and you could do worse with the last pick of your draft."
*Discalimer: The views of each author are strictly his own. We do not speak for each other. So if, say, Alfred, says something that you take offense to, don't go crying to Matt or D. We'll simply point you right back to this disclaimer. And you'll have to read it again. Reading is fundamental.
Oklahoma City Thunder.
Backcourt:
At least Luke Ridnour's gone. If he hadn't been traded this very well could've been a three-headed disaster of a timeshare. Earl Watson now has the keys to the offense, though it's very conceivable that he could lose the starting PG job to Russell Westbrook. Watson is rather unspectacular while Westbrook is like a bigger, more explosive Rajon Rondo. Either way, Westbrook is a big part of the future for this team so he will probably at least secure around half of the minutes at the point as his defense is superior to Watson's. At the 2 we have Kevin Durant. His FG and 3 PT %'s are a bit frightening, but as last season wore on, he stopped jacking up so many 3's and started playing smarter. The light went on in March, as he had only 4 games where he shot under 50% from the field. He'll probably be taking most of the Thunder's shots again but should be able to improve slightly all around. Once he puts on more muscle and works on his defense, he'll become an All-Star. Backing him up is Damien Wilkins, an inconsistent scorer who like Watson doesn't figure to be a factor in the Thunder's future.
Balls of Potential: 2.5/5
Frontcourt:
Center is a mess here. If you thought a potential Ridnour/Watson/Westbrook combination at the point was bad, wait'll you see the stiffs at the 5. Mouhamed Sene, Robert Swift, and Johan Petro are all guys who should be in the NBADL, not vying for a starting position on an NBA team. Both Swift and Sene look like they will never pan out. For Swift, it's usually not a good thing when you're better known for your tattoos than your game. Petro has some range, but he is far too inconsistent. Instead of those 3, look for Nick Collison to step in and start as an undersized center. He is a steady presence who can score a little and rebounds well. At the 3 and 4 there are Jeff Green and Chris Wilcox. Like Durant, Green struggled with the %'s and was very inconsistent. He didn't do too badly, but was disappointing nonetheless. Wilcox is a bit of a mystery. He'll be a force one game and then disappear the next. For now he's more of a stop-gap player than an investment. Joe Smith figures to be the first big off the bench while Desmond Mason will back up Green. D.J. White and Devon Hardin are probably headed to the D-League and won't have any impact.
Balls of Potential: 2/5
Overall:
This is a young team that doesn't figure to make much, if any, noise in the West. Durant should be able to improve on his rookie numbers and will fill up the stat sheet, but he doesn't have much help. The core (Durant, Green, and Westbrook) is there, but it will be awhile before they can even think about competing for an 8th seed. This team's defense is suspect and the offense is streaky at best. There will be a lot of growing pains and things won't look pretty, but the future is relatively bright.
Projection:
The worst team in the West, if not the league. If they don't finish worse than the Nets, they'll at least come close. Back to the Lottery again.
I give this team 2/5 balls of potential for this upcoming season. This could increase in the coming years, but don't expect to see much out of this team except Kevin Durant highlights.
Alfred's Sleeper:
"Hey there. For each of these teams I'm gonna give you someone I know you're going to be sleeping on fantasy-wise. Ladies and gentlemen, from the Oklahoma City Thunder, I give you...Nick Collison. This guy is like the white version of Udonis Haslem. He'll get close to a double-double a night and won't hurt you anywhere. And his competition doesn't exactly strike fear in the hearts of people. So draft him. At the end of your draft, if you need a big man, give Collison a look. He'll have center eligible and you could do worse with the last pick of your draft."
*Discalimer: The views of each author are strictly his own. We do not speak for each other. So if, say, Alfred, says something that you take offense to, don't go crying to Matt or D. We'll simply point you right back to this disclaimer. And you'll have to read it again. Reading is fundamental.
15th in the Eastern Conference
New Jersey Nets.
Backcourt:
The back court is one of the thinnest in the league but they do have a couple of bright or dim spots. The best player on the team is Vince Carter, who will play half of the season because his team is going no where, kind of like what he did in Toronto. If he’s able to at least duplicate what he did last season then there’s some hope that the Nets won’t be the top contender for the number one pick in the draft. Devin Harris will have a chance to shine, and he will try hard to fill his own stat sheet because he will want to prove to everyone that the Nets don’t need Ricky Rubio of Spain. Keyon Dooling will be a nice scoring punch off the bench but there’s not much else at the guard position on the bench. Will Maurice Ager surprise everyone and shine? Or will the Nets play a bunch of small forwards at the 2 spot?
Frontcourt:
They do not have a legitimate big man so they have to rely on rookie Brook Lopez to carry the load. I think the all-star potential of Yi Jianlian will take a serious hit because the two point guards that the Nets have are not initiators of any offense except for their own. Will Bobby Simmons wake up from the big contract he landed a couple of years ago for one decent year and play up to it? If I’m a Nets fan I better hope so. The man has the athletic ability to play both ends of the floor well and might be able to motivate the former Air Canada himself. The Nets frontcourt can arguably be even worse than the backcourt unless at least one of them develops. Come on Yi!!!!!!!
Overall:
If Sean Williams plays 30 minutes without fouling out he just might average five blocks per game. Have fun protecting the paint, New Jersey. You probably have the worst defensive set of players in the league. You have two point guards that put decent pressure, you have two relatively heavy set wing men (Najera and Hassell) that are good defenders, and you have some players that can record a few blocks for your team. Unfortunately for you though, you don’t have a legitimate anchor for any of that. Plus you’re probably going to play Mr. Carter and Mr. Simmons (until he realizes he can actually play defense) plenty of minutes to greatly offset any of your defensive efficiency. Not only that but last year you were 6th in turnovers and 6th in fouls committed meaning that you have to play even MORE defense, which I already think you're going to be terrible at.
Projection:
Worst team in the league.
But I'll give this team 2.5 balls of potential because Brook Lopez, Devin Harris, Sean Williams, and more importantly Yi Jianlian are young talented players that haven't completely adjusted to the game yet.
Not Even God Can Save The Angels
One single by Mr. Jed Lowrie sent the Angels, their 100 wins, and their vaunted lineup to another early exit in the postseason. Like the Lakers, this SoCal team was beaten by a combination team work, defense, and clutch offense. Now with the obvious aside, we all know why this Red Sox team won; with Barack Obama advancing steadily on the White House, the networks had to send a white guy...or a whole team of white guys to the White House. Ladies and Gentlemen, the ALDS was fixed.
Does anyone realize how white this team is? This is the whiter-than-John-Mayer-eating-Wonder-Bread team. I saw this coming with the departure of Manny Ramirez and the arrival of Jason Bay. We replaced a Dominican with a CANADIAN. Now we're just rolling out the pale parade of Youkilis, Pedroia, Lowrie, Lowell, Drew, Ellsbury, Bay, and Varitek. Who are the Angels sending out? Well let's see... Guerrero, Anderson, Hunter, Kendrick, Aybar, Rivera and Figgins. What we have been experiencing the past few days is the most highly televised race war in cable history. These are the social forces that set the racial roles back in place. Fight the power my brothers.
Just kidding.
Seriously though, the Angels are just truly the easiest team to beat in the postseason.
Who else is excited about the possibility of a Red Sox and Dodgers World Series? Another chance to knock off a SoCal team. We all know Southern California is too laid back to have real sports fans. The only Dodgers fans in L.A are Red Sox fans cheering for Derek Lowe.
Here's an interesting tidbit... so I watching the Notebook (ehem, let me finish). The ending scene of the movie is eerily similar to the Mighty Ducks. Don't believe me? Watch them.
Yo its late and I don't know what I'm talking about.
Does anyone realize how white this team is? This is the whiter-than-John-Mayer-eating-Wonder-Bread team. I saw this coming with the departure of Manny Ramirez and the arrival of Jason Bay. We replaced a Dominican with a CANADIAN. Now we're just rolling out the pale parade of Youkilis, Pedroia, Lowrie, Lowell, Drew, Ellsbury, Bay, and Varitek. Who are the Angels sending out? Well let's see... Guerrero, Anderson, Hunter, Kendrick, Aybar, Rivera and Figgins. What we have been experiencing the past few days is the most highly televised race war in cable history. These are the social forces that set the racial roles back in place. Fight the power my brothers.
Just kidding.
Seriously though, the Angels are just truly the easiest team to beat in the postseason.
Who else is excited about the possibility of a Red Sox and Dodgers World Series? Another chance to knock off a SoCal team. We all know Southern California is too laid back to have real sports fans. The only Dodgers fans in L.A are Red Sox fans cheering for Derek Lowe.
Here's an interesting tidbit... so I watching the Notebook (ehem, let me finish). The ending scene of the movie is eerily similar to the Mighty Ducks. Don't believe me? Watch them.
Yo its late and I don't know what I'm talking about.
Monday, October 6, 2008
You're Better Than That
So as you can see, my esteemed colleagues and myself have begun what we hope will be a wildly successful sports blog. Five Balls of Potential, or FBOP for short. If we make it big, maybe we'll get an endorsement deal with IHOP. Mmmm. Pancakes and crepes. Anyways, I was going to have Alfred or D do the inaugural first post since they have seniority, but they are either unable to wake up due to electrical outages ruining alarm clocks (guess it's time to start investing in roosters) or busy planning trips to the Midwest. So here goes. First post. Don't expect too much.
Luke Walton has a stalker. No, it's not Britney Spears. And no, it's not Sideshow Bob.
"Stacy Beshear, 34, of El Segundo was arrested – triggering a temporary restraining order to keep her away from Walton. "
http://www.ocregister.com/articles/walton-people-luke-2182271-life-want
C'mon Stacy. As Mark Jackson would say, "You're better than that." Do you really want Luke Walton, the guy who's only known for being Bill Walton's son? The guy who may or may not be the love interest of Karl Malone and/or Horace Grant? Really? Why not pick a fine and upstanding gentleman like, say, voice behind Optimus Prime? Or Peter Griffin? You're better than that. What's a 34 year old woman like you doing chasing a guy who's 6 years younger than you anyways? On second thought, don't answer that.
Oh, and sorry Jeff, but apparently Luke's already taken. Keep on making that push for Ernest.
I'm out like T-Mac in the first round.
Luke Walton has a stalker. No, it's not Britney Spears. And no, it's not Sideshow Bob.
"Stacy Beshear, 34, of El Segundo was arrested – triggering a temporary restraining order to keep her away from Walton. "
http://www.ocregister.com/articles/walton-people-luke-2182271-life-want
C'mon Stacy. As Mark Jackson would say, "You're better than that." Do you really want Luke Walton, the guy who's only known for being Bill Walton's son? The guy who may or may not be the love interest of Karl Malone and/or Horace Grant? Really? Why not pick a fine and upstanding gentleman like, say, voice behind Optimus Prime? Or Peter Griffin? You're better than that. What's a 34 year old woman like you doing chasing a guy who's 6 years younger than you anyways? On second thought, don't answer that.
Oh, and sorry Jeff, but apparently Luke's already taken. Keep on making that push for Ernest.
I'm out like T-Mac in the first round.
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